but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
