I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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