I wanna passion pit in your ass
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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