I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
