i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
