Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
