You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
