I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
