watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
