i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
