I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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