i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
