And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
