I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
