Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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