what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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