maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your penis caused this!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
