so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
