We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
