I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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