no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
