Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
