you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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