On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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