Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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