mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
barbara walters just said penis...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
