Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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