You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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