haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
