Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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