I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
