walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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