Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
