you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
