I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
