If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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