we have officially lost it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
