i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
