nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
