the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
