I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
