I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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