your parents love me but you hate me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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