Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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