You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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