You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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