they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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