if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
