toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
