My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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