Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
