if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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