we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
