upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
foreskin is a definite game changer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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