i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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