Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
