Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
