I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
