I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
