One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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