she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
