I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
