he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
a search helicopter?!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
