fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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