i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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