I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there's paper in my vomit.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
