LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
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is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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