I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
