genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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