If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
