just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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