My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
