He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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