Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
