smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize