made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
