I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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