I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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