smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
