Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
