I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
